Because I'm not ready to fight yet. I'm still anxious, nauseated, sad, hurt, betrayed, scared, and in shock. Anger comes next. When I get angry, when I find fire after the pain, I'll fight with words.
For now, this is a list of gratitudes on a horrible day.
NYC is in full form. It's beautiful. I've strolled through Riverside Park (which is on the street where I live) almost every day to admire the view. Today, I walked through Central Park to a brand new coworking space on the UES. Everywhere I look, there's yellow and orange and a few burgundies, shifting to brown. It's centering.
I'm sitting next to the radiator in my coworking space. The heat is slowly permeating my body, relaxing my tense shoulders and scrunched forehead. It's comforting and peaceful.
I can go anywhere, at any time. I couldn't stand to be alone this morning, so I decided to forgo the home office for a coworking space. Later this afternoon, I'll go back home and wallow. Maybe I'll get my nails done, or go to yoga - something for self care. I'll finish my to do list this evening. I've never been more grateful for freedom and flexibility.
I have psychological safety in love and in work and in friendship and it's beautiful. Never again will I sacrifice psychological safety in the pillars of my life, when I can help it.
I'm grateful that I can make beautiful tapestries with my hands. I'm glad to have a catharsis to ease my anxiety and an outlet in which to channel my creativity. I'm grateful to feel like I'm good at something other than my job.
Tomorrow, I'm meeting one of Tortuga's co-founders at the new Russ & Daughters Cafe. This weekend, Jeff and I will inevitably stumble upon another one of NYC's gems. Living in one of the best food cities in the world is such a pleasure. I'm grateful to have a world of cuisine just outside my door.
Taylor Coil is a marketing manager who works remotely from around the world.